yesterday at fg a question came out: "who is it hard to love?"
and of course these answers came out first: parents, siblings, friends, etcetc.
but then i was just thinking (and whoever's in my fg will remember)....
it is so difficult to love God.
it sounds atrocious, right? i thought that i would get kicked out of fg for even saying that out loud haha. but the thing is, it is so difficult to love someone that you literally cannot see. He's so intangible. people say all the time: "how do you know he's there?" because that's the thing: this isn't a "see-and-believe" type relationship. this is a wholly based on faith type relationship, but then what makes it real?
it's so easy to say "i have faith." so, so, so easy to just always repeat "i love God," "i love Jesus," slipping in ever so many "i love yous" as we pray. but sometimes for me those are just words, and it isn't until i step back and evaluate: do i really love God? how can i love someone who i've never ever met? someone that i attribute all these great things to yeah but i've still never met him. it's so so so so difficult to truly, actually, really love God. and to not only say it but to also know it, mean it and feel it.
on a lighter but also sad note, i lost a necklace today. as of this school year, i have broke a necklace, lost a necklace, had a friend lose a necklace she bought for me, and lost another necklace. what a bad necklace school year. the last time i saw this particular lost necklace was actually at retreat, but i can't remember if i brought it home or not. sighs.
i lost a necklace too :( it was my one and only favorite, and i'm still hoping for it to turn up randomly one of these days..
ReplyDeleteit's true that sometimes it's hard to love God, especially in those times of doubt. i encourage you to read song of songs, it's all about love love lovee. i think that, to all of a sudden love God without being able to "see" him is really tough, for sure. but you know, going to church and fellowshipping really helps, because i think that when you're surrounded by God's children who are living to show God's love, it helps, you know? i don't know if any of that made sense :\ but i will definitely be praying for you, friend :)